Blindness
by dailymantra
Summary: So basically this is my AU where Korra's been blinded and has to cope with those consequences. Sorry if it's a little dark (oh fuck, no pun intended) it's just what it is. If people like it, I'll write more of it. There's Makorra, yes, because fuck I do like Makorra (when it's done right). Sorry if that summary makes it sound less serious than it is. Chapters added upon reviews.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: Permanent**

* * *

There were some things that left scars, it was that simple. Whether they were visible or not, they were permanent, forever etched into the flesh or the mind. Korra knew this better than most. What she hated about scars though, was not the ugly jagged lumps they became. It was the burden of knowing the pain, it was the memories the scars sealed in. Permanent.

"Sometimes they fade," Bolin said softly, offering her his hand. She brushed her fingers over his lightly, forcing a smile. His voice was warm, as always, but lacking. He'd been scarred too. The kind you couldn't see, the kind that rarely surfaced. Bolin's scars were deep, so deep it pained Korra to hear them when they did rise in his voice. Permanent. He'd never be the same again. Broken.

"It's probably best not to try and cover them up. We could, if you wanted to, but it'll still be…noticeable." Asami smelled of lilies, but what kind Korra wasn't sure. She always smelled of some kind of flower, soothing and sweet. As she ran a hand through Korra's hair, Asami hummed absentmindedly. She relished distractions, cloying smells and ever present music. It was her bandage, Korra knew that. Asami's scars had yet to mark her, she was still an open wound. It was clear as to why. Asami was a fighter. No scars would settle on her. It hurt Korra, to see her friend slowly bleed.

"It is a sign of healing, Korra," Lin said. She was brittle, removed, and couldn't bare to see Korra like this. Lin knew of scars, she knew of permanence, but she had yet to find acceptance. Some part of her remained forever infected, tainted and pus filled. It hit her—every time she looked at Korra—like a punch in the gut. Lin could say things healed, say scars were signs, claim the tides turned and brought with them clear skies, but it would always pain her. Her scar to bare.

"You're making great progress." Tenzin was distracted, his voice always came to Korra over his shoulder. He liked to keep himself busy, work was simple. Paper cuts were a pain that could heal, no matter how much they hurt. Other things did not fade so easily. Other things remained to remind him of his failings, his inability to help those he loved. It was hard, hard to move on, when the past was ever prevalent, marring Korra's face. A daily reminder. Her scars were his. He tried to move forward, make progress a reality. Some things just weren't that easy to fix.

Mako was silent. His touch spooked Korra, rough compared to Bolin's. He carried no scent like Asami, hummed no tunes. He was more distant than Lin, offering even less. Unlike Tenzin, he did little to put his mind at ease. Mako bared no scars, he only had Korra's. He shared them with her as best he could, but he remained a shell. His fault. How could he let that go?  
"I'm sorry," he whispered sometimes, lips tickling her ear.  
She didn't know how to respond. Sorry didn't change anything. It didn't heal her scars, it didn't bring back her sight, it didn't fix her friends.  
"Just let me get it for you," Mako insisted in a heavy tone.  
Korra felt him try to pry the kettle from her grasp. Never. He could pull as hard as he liked, but her blindness did nothing to change her stubbornness.  
"I can do it."  
"You'll burn yourself."  
"Have a little faith in me."  
She heard him shift uncomfortably. He let go of the kettle and it fell heavily to her side, swinging loosely in her hand. Korra listened for him.  
"I do have faith in you," he said, his voice fading from the room.  
She waited but nothing more came. Mako left her alone, just like she wanted, to take care of herself. Tears found their way down Korra's cheeks. She nearly dropped the kettle, but caught it with nimble fingers. No point in spilling more water.

Bolin was patient with her, he always had been. It counted now more than ever. Korra did her best not to press her luck though, she had few people to depend on these days.  
"Concentrate on the earth. When you put your foot down you should try to feel for the world around, not look for it." Bolin let out a breath and placed his hands on Korra's shoulders. She flinched and nodded slowly.  
"I'll try," she said with a croak. She barely spoke anymore. She put too much effort into listening.  
"You can do it," Bolin coxed.  
Korra wanted to believe him. She wanted to go back to the days when she did feel like she could do anything. When she'd rush off into battle, defy Tenzin to try probending, fall head over heels in love with someone and never regret a moment of it. Back to before the scars.  
"Korra?"  
Impossible. She was stuck here in this new world, this dark world. A void, the one that was building between her and Mako. Not his fault. How could she convince him of that? His scars were just as permanent as hers.  
"Korra? Do you want to take a break?" Bolin rubbed her back.  
"I…I don't think I'm ready for this yet," she said.

She missed the water. The feel of it against her skin, tangling her hair, filling her ears, floating her along. How it collected her in caressing hands and kept her steady. Water, always her constant. Not so anymore. It was different now. She couldn't trust it.  
Korra couldn't go beyond the shore, the ocean lapping at her toes. She would be lost if she went any further.  
"Hey, Korra? What are you doing out here all by yourself?" Jinora. Unmistakably her voice. Old beyond her years, but at the moment timid.  
"Thinking," Korra said, wiping tears away. She cleared her throat, observing the crunching of sand beneath Jinora's feet. She was getting better at visualizing the vibrations in the earth, though it still gave her a headache.  
Jinora's arm brushed Korra's softly. She was always light, airy by nature. Suited for airbending, naturally gifted in so many ways.  
"Do you mind if I ask what about?"  
It took a moment for that to sink in and even longer for Korra to calm herself done. It wasn't Jinora's fault for being curious, but how was Korra supposed to explain without choking up? Without saying the wrong thing or placing blame?  
"The ocean, mostly," Korra said, flicking at the water with her toes.  
Jinora took Korra's hand. "That's nice. The ocean's peaceful. Sometimes everyone just needs a little peace in their life."  
Korra smiled. "You're a pretty smart girl, Jinora."  
"You're not too shabby yourself."

Meditating seemed to make more sense these days. It helped to get her mind off of everything else, ground her a bit. Korra found herself thinking clearly then and was able to handle the memories, the itching of the scars.  
It was always a fuzzy memory, wedged in the back of her mind. Odd how the days where everything changes always start off more normal than any others. Mako giving her a kiss on the cheek in bed. Rohan splashing his breakfast all over Korra. Training with Tenzin in the airbending gates. Sharing lunch with Asami and Bolin before heading into the city to sit in on the council. Teasing Mako for being being her chauffeur as he drove her to the meeting.  
Everything simple, everything normal.  
Then the grinding of metal, screeching tires, yelling, crying, darkness.  
Korra sucked in a deep breath to settle herself. No more crying, no more sobbing alone wallowing in self pity. She was the Avatar. She needed to be strong. But what good was she if she couldn't even see the people she was supposed to help?  
"Aang," she whispered. "I need some guidance here."  
Nothing.  
Just like every other time she tried.  
Alone, in the darkness, Korra felt herself fading. She wasn't sure who she was anymore, but it most certainly was not the Avatar.

"I think I know what you need. Some cake!" Pema was very hands-on. She felt the need to touch Korra every time she passed or spoke. It was to make Korra comfortable, but it still annoyed her to no end.  
"That's alright. I don't really feel like eating anything." Korra flinched as Pema plunked down next to her, putting a hand on the Avatar's shoulder.  
"Well that's no good. We can't have you wasting away to nothing. What will your mother think of me if I don't keep you well fed?" Pema's smile echoed in her voice, just as hollow. Korra was tired of this. Tired of quick fixes trying to fade permanent scars.  
"I don't need your food and I don't need you pretending to be my mother! What I need is to be able to see! What I need is for my ability to be the Avatar restored! What I need is for you and everyone else to leave me alone so that I can just have some peace and quiet!" Korra stumbled out of her seat, her arms thrashing at the air. She wasn't sure if she was trying to hit Pema or her problems, but she heard a deafening smack.  
Pema gasped and choked back a sob. Korra felt around desperately, guilt raking her heart.  
"Pema…I'm so sorry. I—"  
"Don't worry about me, Korra." Pema's voice was cold, sad. "I'll leave you alone. Just like you want."

Korra took a deep breath and felt her way into the chair. Just over the sound of her own heartbeat, Tenzin's breathing could be heard. She bit her lip and kept her head bowed. If she concentrated just enough, Korra could visualize the office in her mind's eye. The desk, the rug on the floor, even Tenzin seated across from her. But how much of it was still the same as she remembered? Everything must've changed. The picture in her mind blurred and faded.  
"Have you spoken to Avatar Aang yet?"  
Korra wasn't sure how to respond. Wasn't he going to ask about Pema? Or had she not told Tenzin what had happened? If not, the responsibility fell on Korra. She had to apologize.  
"No. I…I haven't been able to get in touch with my spiritual side for a while…" Korra took a deep breath, ready to spill her guts, when Tenzin cut in.  
"I know it's hard, but you must try. Lin has promised to help you with your earthbending training, but frankly…I don't know how to teach you airbending if you can't…" Tenzin caught himself, clearing his throat. Korra could hear him rustling uncomfortably in his seat.  
"I get it. I'm working on it. It's just…it's tough. I used to think I could do anything. And when I finally got to airbend, when I got to the Avatar State, it was amazing. I felt like I was finally the Avatar the world deserved. And now…" Korra blinked back tears. So strange to think that she thought that was going to be her life. The next great Avatar, powerful and capable, not this. Not helpless.  
"Korra. That hasn't changed. That's permanent, your abilities, your strength, it's all permanent. You are not weak, you still accomplish so much. You amaze me, Korra," Tenzin said. She heard him come around the next and rest by her side, placing a hand on her shoulder. Korra reached for it and squeezed his fingers.  
"Right. Sure." She wished she could believe him.

"You look beautiful."  
"Good to know."  
"Korra, I'm really trying here."  
She sighed. "Sorry, Mako. I'm just not in the mood."  
"For feeling beautiful?"  
"For anything really."  
"I still love you," he said quietly.  
"I know," she answered in a monotone.  
"Do you…"  
"I don't know."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Broken**

* * *

Korra clenched her fists and closed her eyes. Meaningless, but the action soothed her. Normalized her. It was the same as sleeping naked. Natural. Feeling Mako's warm flesh against hers under the blankets. His hand moved down her back sleepily tickling the tiny hairs on the small of her back.  
Sensation. She loved and hated it. There were still so many she could have, but she missed seeing. It was like the time she'd broken her arm when she was younger. Not her dominant hand, she still missed being able to use it. She just hadn't realized how much until it was gone.  
Tucking her knees up to her chest, Korra felt Mako shift next to her. He tugged the blankets off her, rolling away from her. The night air hit her hard, pricking her skin with goosebumps. Cold. She missed the cold. It was hard to stand the heat of Republic City these days, all one hundred waves of it.  
Korra sat up, her stomach roiling, sweat dripping from her brow. It was impossible to sleep, to put her mind at ease long enough to pass out. She was running on fumes and heavy with exhaustion. What was this, day seven without a full night's sleep? Who knew anymore?  
Her ears perked to the sound of Mako snoring softly. It ruffled her a little. How could she hate him? It wasn't his fault, no matter how much he tried to convince her. Get her to forgive him.  
"I don't hate you," she whispered into the night. "But I'm not sure if I love you anymore. Not the way I did."

"Wonder if I'd be able to see in the Spirit World," Korra joked lightly.  
The distinct falter in the clinking of cutlery shuddered across the dinning room. She regretted saying anything at all. Stupid.  
"Anything's possible, right? I mean, you were able to airbend after some bad stuff happened. Maybe you can get to the Spirit World now because—"  
"Bolin, shut it." Mako cut his brother off brusquely.  
"Right. Sorry. Hey, Korra, you want more eggs?" Bolin was quiet, his voice coarse. A lump built in Korra's throat and she shook her head.  
"Bolin, could you help me with the dishes, please?" Asami asked.  
Korra listened to them clean the table in silence, feeling a breeze as someone pulled her plate away. Heavy footsteps followed brisk light ones and then it was just her and Mako. So of course silence followed for the longest time.  
"How are you?" he asked finally, distracted.  
"Fine."  
"Bo didn't upset you, did he?"  
"No." Korra stood and Mako was at her side in an instant, taking her arm to steady her. She didn't need that, his help. His pity. She tried to tug herself free of his grasp with a grunt.  
"Just let me give you a hand," he said tersely.  
"I don't…fine." Korra relaxed her arm and let Mako lead her out of the room. The breeze outside hit her comfortingly. It was a release from the stuffiness of the indoors, the smothering of all those bodies collected in one place, eating and talking.  
"Where do you want to go?" Mako asked, shattering her serenity.  
She wanted to say nowhere. She wanted to just stand there.  
"Home."

Senna brushed Korra's hair out her face and pulled her daughter in for a hug. It was the first time in a long time Korra felt her heart skip the way it did. It was just now beginning to dawn on her how much she'd missed being home. Missed her mother telling her it was going to be alright, rubbing her back as she cried.  
"It's alright, darling. You're safe now. You're safe. Daddy and I've got you," Senna whispered into Korra's hair, kissing the top of her daughter's head. Tonraq wrapped his arms around the two of them and squeezed lovingly. It was too much to handle. Korra was shaking and shuddering with sobs and desperate breaths.  
"Don't cry, Korra," her father said. "Everything is going to be fine. I promise."

Sitting in the snow was a nice change. She was numb from the waist down, but Korra didn't mind. It was nice, relaxing. The snow was quiet and she was tired of listening so intently to everything. It was a silence so complete she almost forgot. Almost felt like she was asleep and could open her eyes any moment to look at Naga next to her.  
She scratched the polar bear dog's ear affectionately. Forever loyal. Naga knew how to treat Korra. She didn't dote on the Avatar, didn't treat her like an invalid. Naga was the only one who seemed to understand and she never said a word.  
Taking a breath, Korra crossed her legs and sat up straight, cracking her neck and setting her hands together in front of her. Meditate. Concentrate. Breathe.  
"I need to talk to you Aang. Please. I'm…I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do anymore. This isn't about not being able to bend anymore, it's about…it's about…" Korra took a slow inhale through her nose to keep from breaking down again. "It's about not being good enough. Not being able to do what I need to."  
There was a sudden burst of light, the first thing Korra had seen in a long time. She gasped as images began to blur together before her. A familiar face, one she almost mistook for Tenzin. It had been so long since she'd seen another face.  
"Hello, Korra," Aang said with a broken smile.  
"Aang…" she was breathless, barely able to comprehend what was happening. She'd promised herself, after so many fruitless attempts to contact her past self, that she'd tear into him. Yell at him for leaving her alone. But now, seeing his face, all she wanted was a few kind words, advice.  
"I've been trying so hard to reach you," she sputtered, the words tumbling out of her mouth at tremendous speed. "Why…why did you leave me alone?"  
"I never left you alone, Korra," Aang said, shaking his head lightly. His expression was bleak, sad and distant.  
"So what? I just wasn't trying hard enough? Is that it? What is it, Aang? Am I not at my lowest point yet? Because I can tell you I've…I've come pretty close." Korra's lower lip trembled and she tried to convince herself it was from the cold.  
"Korra, you're so strong sometimes you forget it's alright to feel broken." Aang reached out, placing two fingers on Korra's forehead. She felt heat rush through her body and images began to flicker in front of her. A baby, a small boy with big ears…Aang. She was watching him grow up, his entire life.  
"When I was just a boy, the Monks told me I was going to be the Avatar. The saviour of the world. Everything changed and I felt so afraid of being locked away, my destiny carved out for me. I more than understand the pressure you face, Korra. The desperation to fight on your own and succeed."  
The images paused for a moment on one of Aang and a young girl. It took Korra a moment to recognize her. Katara. She was looking at Aang with such hope in her eyes. Korra knew that look. Katara had turned it on her once before, when Korra had left for Republic City.  
"There was one thing, though, that I learned that I cherish more than any other lesson. The role of the Avatar can be a lonely one, if you let it. You can cut yourself off from any and all connections, especially when things get hard."  
Aang pulled away from Korra and the images stopped. She looked into his face, catching a glimpse of something over his shoulder. People. People she didn't know. One of them was a man dressed in Southern Watertribe attire, standing next to an Earth Kingdom woman. Toph Beifong and Sokka, Katara's brother. They smiled at Korra before fading away.  
"When those times come, those hard times when you want to crawl away from the world, you have to remember one thing." Aang rested a hand on Korra's shoulder. "You may be broken, but you are never alone."

Mako took Korra's hands in his warm ones. She smiled. Her first sincere smile in a long, long time.  
"You're sure? It's only been a month and Tenzin says he's got everything under control. You can take all the time you need." His voice was dripping with concern. Korra didn't mind so much. She reached out and smoothed a hand across his cheek, squeezing his chin affectionately.  
"I'm sure. I need Lin to teach me how to see through the earth anyways. I'm no good to anyone sitting around sulking in the South Pole. I spent my whole life here, waiting to get out, and I don't want to go back to that," she said.  
Korra felt Mako's chin crease as he smiled. He kissed her hand lightly.  
"Alright. Let's get going."

Settling back into Air Temple Island was the easy part. It was asking forgiveness from her friends that tore Korra up inside. But she had to apologize. Apologize for being so recluse, so unforgiving, so desperate. So broken.  
"You don't have to apologize to me," Asami said. "I know what it's like. Just talk to me, okay? Good."  
"Pfft, nothing to say sorry about!" Bolin claimed, his voice not the least bit faltering. "Everyone needs time to heal."  
"Korra, please. Everything is fine. I'll have you seeing through the earth in no time. Frankly, you're the best student I've ever had." Lin complimented with a pat on the back.  
"I understand," Tenzin said simply.  
"I love you," Mako whispered between kisses.  
Korra smiled through her tears the entire time.

In the night she could hear the distant sounds of the city. Naga's soft snores melted into Mako's as he tossed and turned, nearly knocking Korra out of the bed onto the polar bear dog. Broken rules. Just for her, just this once. We don't usually let boys and girls share rooms, Tenzin had said, but I'm willing to make an exception.  
It was so bad, really, being broken. Being scarred. Some things were permanent now, but the future was not set in stone. If she was meant to be the Avatar, then Korra would find a way. With the Spirits to guide her, too? It would be a piece of cake.  
Korra's stomach grumbled.  
Oh.  
"Maybe I should've eaten a bit more at dinner," she muttered, rolling out of bed. "Or, ya know, anything at all."  
Her toes tickled against Naga's fur as she inched her way around the sleeping beast towards the dog. She shuffled her feet quickly across the floor, reaching out and feeling for the door. Her hand's brushed against it and as if on cue both Naga and Mako snorted and shifted. Korra froze, listening intently. When their stirring ceased, she crept out of the room, shutting the door silently behind her.

It was hard to fight the urge to stomp around the building in an effort to see. Korra managed, though, sliding her hands along the wall. Only her soft breathing and footsteps filled the silent void, pounding on her ears. How much further was it? Her stomach was roiling with hunger. Foolish to have no eaten. Childish.  
"Korra? Shouldn't you be asleep?"  
"Howl." His name almost caught in Korra's throat. She spun around with a frown, trying to determine his location. He caught her shoulder. "I was just going to get some food," she said. No point in lying to him. "Why are you up?"  
"Well since you've gotten back they've doubled my shift. I mean, looking out for the Avatar was one thing, but a blin—" He snapped his mouth shut so loudly Korra cringed on his behalf. "Never mind. Want me to take you to the kitchen."  
"That'd be great, actually. Maybe we could catch up a bit, too." Korra looped her arm through Howl's and smiled.  
He laughed nervously, his nose whistling the way it did when it flared. Korra could picture the red in his cheeks.  
"Sounds great. I'll even make my special spice tea—"  
CRASH!  
"What was that?" Korra clenched Howl's arm.  
"I dunno. I'll go check it out. You wait here," he said, trying to pull away.  
"Not a chance. I'm coming with you." Korra grabbed his hand in a vice grip.  
Howl grunted but didn't argue, leading Korra down the hall and out the door. The cold air hit Korra like a rock wall.  
"Are you sure it came from outside?" she whispered.  
"Positive," Howl murmured back. "Come on."  
Korra licked her lips. She was trembling. Please be from the cold, she begged. The courtyard echoed their footsteps. Their breathing hammered against her ears. She stumbled and Howl caught her.  
"Okay, maybe there isn't anyone out here," he admitted sheepishly. "C'mon, I'll get you that tea—"  
Another sound.  
Feet crunching against gravel.  
Korra perked up, searching around sightlessly.  
"Hello dear Avatar. It's nice to see you. Ooh, sorry. Is it too soon to make jokes?"  
A woman's voice, sultry, coming from every direction. The air smelled strongly of lilac and smoke. Howl's hand dropped from hers and Korra panicked, taking on a fighting stance.  
"Howl?"  
"Where are you? Come out, lady. You're not allowed here." Howl's voice was growing distant. He was searching, leaving Korra. Alone. She worked in a small circle, walking and listening. She pressed her foot against the ground, yearning to get a glimpse of anything, anything at all.  
For a fraction of a second she caught sight of Howl. Korra slammed her foot down again. A figure moving towards him at great speed. No.  
"HOWL!"  
A burst of heat exploded by Korra's head. She fumbled backwards and crashed to the ground. Coughing, she slammed her fist agains the ground in an effort to see anything at all.  
The smell hit her first.  
Then Howl's anguished scream.  
Korra scrambled to get to her feet. A slam of pressure shoved her back to the ground, pinning her.  
"Shush, dear Avatar. No need to shout. He can't hear you anymore."  
Korra screamed and struggled, clawing out in front of her and grasping at air.  
"Who are you?" Korra snarled. "Howl! Howl are alright?" "Did you not hear me, Avatar? You should really listen up." Claws tore across Korra's face and she cried out again. "Since hearing is the best you can do these days."  
Korra felt something stir inside her. Not now. She couldn't go into the Avatar State now, no matter how much she longed to. She needed to know if Howl was alright. She needed to get up and fight. Each time she tried to stand, she was knocked back down.  
"This is important, I will not repeat myself," the voice came again, from all around.  
"Who are you!?"  
"There are some things not meant for this world. The Avatar should know this. But you are vulnerable to them now. Do not lose yourself, Avatar. Or you will lose more than your little guards."  
With a shudder, the pressure left Korra's chest. She sat up, sweat dripping from her. Her chest was heaving but she could hear clattering from inside, crashing footsteps.  
"Korra?" Mako, panicked.  
"I'm here…" she whispered.  
"Korra!" Bolin, desperate.  
"I'm…I'm…" Korra held her face in her hands. No tears came this time.


End file.
